Tag / physical touch

by Erin Nowicki

Testing Testing

So, I found this “Sensory Processing Disorder Symptoms Test for Adults” created by The ADHD EDITORIAL BOARD and I thought it would be fun (and funny) to take it and then share my answers and what I scored . 😀

  1. Hugs even from those I’m close to can make me feel uncomfortable. Likewise, being in a crowded elevator makes me want to break out and run. 
    • My Answer: Very Often
  2. I enjoy high-adrenaline activities.
    • My Answer: Very Often
  3. I avoid some foods because of the texture. I would rather go hungry than eat a mushy banana.
    • My Answer: Never
  4. The thought of having to walk through the sand to get to the ocean or a lake can ruin the fun of a swim.
    • My Answer: Never
  5. When everyone else is sweating or shivering, I’m usually somewhere in the middle.
    • My Answer: Often (I’m usually the opposite of everyone tho…)
  6. Flickering lights — or even worse, strobe lights — send me over the edge.
    • My Answer: Sometimes
  7. My handwriting is illegible. I’m told I have “difficult-to-read” penmanship.
    • My Answer: Never
  8. I avoid walking through the perfume department at all costs. Scented candles — even the most subtle ones — bother me.
    • My Answer: Very Often (except candles…I love those)
  9. When I’m in a car with other people, I’m always asking, “Can we turn down the radio volume?” My Answer: Very Often (Honestly, that’s what I want to do most of the time, but a lot of times I just grin and bear it)
  10. I find myself bumping into things a lot, knocking stuff over, and tripping over my own feet.
    • My Answer: Often
  11. The sound of a dripping faucet or a crack of sunlight coming in from around my shades wakes me out of the deepest sleep.
    • My Answer: Never (I have a hard time sleeping in general but not because of those things…plus I sleep with a blanket over my eyes)
  12. Daily activities can be hard to do if I’m not able to see what I’m doing.
    • My Answer: Never
  13. I wear anything that’s loose and flowy, like caftans.
    • My Answer: I don’t wear caftans but I do like to wear loose shirts…but then I have to wear tighter pants for deep pressure…interesting!)
  14. I avoid public speaking.
    • My Answer: Very Often (I know this sounds so silly since I am a performer, but it’s 100% true…I am TERRIFIED of public speaking. But I’ll sing in front of however many people will listen haha)
  15. I prefer to wear tag-less shirts and seamless socks. I cut the tags out of my sweaters and would rather go naked than wear wool.
    • My Answer: Very Often

My Score: 35 out of 60!

How funny is that!? I think the test could’ve touched on a few other things but that’s ok…I still had fun doing it and seeing my score! Even if you don’t have SPD, I want everyone who reads this to do a homework assignment; it will be super fun to see what you get! And hey, maybe you will learn something new about yourself!

Homework Assignment For YOU:

  1. Take the test.
  2. Share your score by leaving a comment!

**If you like what you’re reading, hit that subscribe button so you can be the first to read my next post! And don’t forget to share my blog with anyone you think would benefit from this. I’m always looking to partner with others who want to collaborate with me on this endeavor to spread the word about SPD.**

by Erin Nowicki

The Prince

I don’t think Charles Perrault, the Brother’s Grimm, Hans Christian Anderson, or even J.K. Rowling could’ve created a better prince than the prince who was put into my story. Jon Nowicki is his name and Prince Charming has nothing on him…sorry Char. :p

Here’s a little background on hunky and then I will ask him some questions for you to get a glimpse into what it’s like being married to someone with Sensory Processing Disorder.

Jon was born in Wisconsin and moved to Florida in 5th grade. He has a degree in Music Ministry with an emphasis in percussion and is an incredible drummer. Not only do I get to have him as my drummer for Hello Wonder, he also drums for another awesome band called Flatfoot 56. H enjoys golfing (any Chicago golfers looking for a golfing buddy??), traveling, camping, and cooking.

The thing I love most about him is how much he cares about me. He has never pressured me to do anything I didn’t want to do, he always makes sure I’m comfortable (or at least as comfy as I can be), makes me laugh, feeds my unicorn obsession and is the most selfless person I know. Living with someone who has SPD, can be extremely difficult and I appreciate him so much because he’s patient, always willing to learn, and loves me for me.

♕Interview with a REAL prince♕

Were you aware of Erin having SPD before you got married?

Prince:

I found out about her SPD while we were getting to know each other. I went along and asked and did all the things people do when they find out about it (sorry Erin :)). During the first few months, it was hard to disconnect my fear of “hurting” her or causing her pain.

In the end, it came down to the fact that sometimes the emotional pain of SPD can be harder than the physical pain. Treating her like a “sick” person or steering clear of any physical contact can be just as hard. It took a long time for me to fully process it, but I’ve come to a point where I can be aware of her SPD, but it doesn’t control how I treat her. 

How do you support Erin when she is in a flare up?

Prince:

The best thing I’ve found is to ask what she needs. Communication is a big aspect of steering through the waters of SPD. It’s something we continually try to improve. I can assume that I know what may help, and sometimes I’m lucky, but other times the things that sometimes help could actually make the scenario worse.  Always ask what you can do before you assume what’s best.  

What’s the hardest part of living with someone that has severe SPD?

Prince:

One of the hardest parts for me is not being able to fully relate to her when she is in pain.  Sometimes I feel completely useless when she is flaring up, because I literally can’t do anything to help. That feeling of not being able to do anything for her is always the hardest part. 

How do you cope with the lack of intimacy?

Prince:

There is no real easy answer for this.  It is difficult. As Erin previously said, physical touch is one of my main love languages. The first years of our marriage have been tough. Learning how to live together, become adults, and manage all of it with SPD as well as processing her trauma has been a challenge.

If you know me, I am a fairly easy going, laid back individual. This along with the blessing of patience has helped me a lot with the intimacy aspect of our marriage.  Through the years I’ve also had great friends/mentors alongside of me who have been there for me.  It never hurts to have someone to be able to talk to, even if they don’t fully understand the scope of SPD. Personal honesty and open communication will give you the best chance for success. 

Erin is great about pushing through the pain to meet my needs. An extra hug/kiss/holding hands moment means so much to me. 

Do you have another question for Jon that you’d like answered? Please feel free to leave a comment below or direct message me on the Contacts page. No question is too awkward or uncomfortable, so be free. If I get enough questions, I will drop another blog post with his answers for you all to have.

by Erin Nowicki

The Pea

 “In the morning she was asked how she had slept. “Oh, very badly!” said she. “I have scarcely closed my eyes all night. Heaven only knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something hard, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It’s horrible!” Now they knew that she was a real princess because she had felt the pea right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty eider-down beds. Nobody but a real princess could be as sensitive as that.“

Excerpt from The Princess and The Pea written by Hans Christian Anderson

In my first blog post, I talked a little bit about what Sensory Processing Disorder is and that I have been diagnosed with it. For this post, I wanted to answer a few questions that I get asked the most when people find out that I have SPD. Now, I’m not doing this to make you feel sorry for me or make you feel guilty. I honestly want this to be a place for people to be able to relate to, not feel alone, be educated, and to find more understanding. Make sense?

Question 1: Does this hurt? Does that hurt?

It hurts to be touched…by my clothes, the wind, rain, sweat, the list goes ON and ON. Once I tell someone about SPD, I usually get poked and then they ask if it hurts. After I say that it hurt, they respond with shock, “how can that hurt?” They then proceed to gently brush their finger on my arm and they ask if that hurts; and we go on and on until they’ve put me (without thinking) through excruciating pain and are still baffled at the end of their “experiment.”

I don’t always get frustrated when people do that, because I do know that it’s not something you see every day. I would rather people be aware and feel sad that I have pain instead of being in wonder of it and wanting to see the different things that bring me pain.

Question 2: Can I hug you?

This is the question I get the most. It usually comes with a very quick apology once I tell someone I have SPD, because they realize that their act of love was actually hurting me. I know their hug wasn’t meant to bring pain or to be mean..so I don’t really think much of it being a painful experience when I receive a hug. I am still human and desire to be hugged; I will never turn one down even if it is not as comfortable for me in the moment.

There are hugs that feel better to me: bear hugs are my friend. Bear hugs are also described as deep pressure hugs and that’s exactly what someone with SPD wants. If you give me a gentle hug and barely touch me, that actually brings me more pain; I don’t want to be treated like someone with a contagious disease. All that to say, YES you can hug me, just make it bear hug and we are good. 😀

Questions 3: How can you not like showers?!

Now, I get this question as soon as I say that showers are the worst. I HATE showers….I think hate doesn’t even cover my feelings for showers. I can actually go two weeks without one (thanks to dry shampoo, hats, and baby wipes). Don’t freak out on me…I don’t do that all the time, but if my SPD is bad, I will definitely skip a shower.

For the longest time, I was so ashamed of this because I would usually get made fun of, shamed for being a “disgusting” person, laughed at, & judged. People tend to think that if someone does something that’s against “social norms” that it’s ok to immediately judge them instead of asking the WHY question and putting forth effort to try to understand. Obviously, I’m not quite as ashamed of it as much anymore since I’m writing about this for the world to see, but it sure is taking a lot of courage. And even if this fact about me disgusts you, that is totally ok, BUT, hear me out so maybe you can at least understand where I’m coming from…

So, why do I hate showers so much and why do I hardly take them? I tend to ask this question back: Would you bathe yourself with thousands of needles every day just so you can be socially acceptable? I promise you that I’m not saying this with a sassafras attitude. I’m legitimately asking you this question, because that is my answer to why I hate showers and I dread them each time I have to take one. Showers hurt like fire and it takes all of my mental and physical strength to get in one.

Questions 4: “Why are you being so emotional?”

Physical feelings aren’t the only feelings that are affected by SPD. My emotional feelings are heightened as well. I get upset really easily when it comes to certain things-like commercials, movies with death, when I get angry, volume being too loud, etc… Now, over the years, I’ve been able to adjust my feelings a decent amount, but this still is a work in progress. I’m thankful for my anti-depressants as well, because they’ve helped balance and control my emotions a little better.

Since my brain is being told that something is worse than what is actually happening, I tend to get upset without being able to control it and sometimes not even realize why I’m even upset. Now over the years, I’ve become more aware of this and have actively tried to control these overwhelming feelings.

I have also been diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety and I will definitely talk about those at some point. I believe my SPD enhances both the depression and anxiety, which is why I can be even more sensitive about certain things.

Question 5: Does that mean sex hurts you?

For me, the hardest thing about this disorder is being married to someone who’s love language is physical touch and desires physical touch daily. Sometimes I find it funny that God brought me someone who has the complete opposite love language as me. What the heck, God! 😉

Like I said about the hugs, I am a human and desire to be hugged…so yes, sometimes I do desire to be intimate with my husband. The annoying part of the situation is that sex is absolutely painful in every way for me and it’s not something that I “crave.” I have to really be intentional about reminding myself that Jon needs physical touch and intimacy more than I do.

I don’t want to give SPD all the credit for the pain; there are other factors that have increased my pain level when it comes to sex. I have some posts coming up where I will talk more in detail about sex and traumas that I’ve experienced.

If you have any questions about me, SPD or any of the content I have posted, please leave a comment below, drop direct message on my Contact page, or shoot me an email. No question is bad or awkward, so please feel free to ask WHATEVER. I will either respond directly or I will write a post that corresponds with your question.