Tag / pain

by Erin Nowicki

The Shower Experiment

For this next post, I wanted to do an experiment. If you didn’t know this yet: I can’t stand showers! So, this should be an interesting experience! At first I decided to take a shower every night from Sunday to Sunday while taking notes on how my body felt afterwards, but after three days I ended up having to stop because honestly, it was outrageously painful.

For the record, I’m not calling this a “failed experiment” because I don’t think that I failed at all. In my opinion, the experiment shifted a little bit and I can still share my experience with you- which was mainly that I can’t handle more than three days of showers in a row. :p

● Here are the notes I took after each shower from the 3 days ●

Shower 1

So far I’m feeling like I usually do, but I guess you don’t know what that means haha. Basically, my entire body experiences pain during and after the shower. When I’m done, it usually takes a while for my skin to calm back down. Currently, I am having to rub the pain away on my back, arms and legs. My feet aren’t bothering me today, which is nice. My hands aren’t feeling too soft either, which also makes me happy. In my book, soft is bad.

Shower 2

Ok, right off the bat, my hands are KILLING me. They feel super soft which is my worst nightmare. I did notice that in the shower, I felt like I couldn’t get the soapy feeling off which was annoying. My legs are also feeling uncomfortable. A positive observation is that my feet aren’t hurting as bad as my hands or legs.

Shower 3

My legs are in a lot of pain today. The softness of them hurts extremely bad, so I’m under a blanket with them individually wrapped in cozy blankets. Wrapping them tightly helps to instill that deep pressure which brings some relief. My hands are also pretty bad as well today. I need to get some gloves that have individual spaces for my fingers (currently I only own mittens at this juncture which won’t help the situation). My feet aren’t too bad, but I went ahead put socks on them as soon as I was out of the shower, because I didn’t want to wait and find out how bad they were going to hurt.

Some observations:

  • My back and stomach don’t seem to be a highlight of pain after that first day.
  • Deep pressure is a must.
  • Maybe I should wait until warmer months to try this experiment because the cold weather could’ve been a factor.

I’m so glad I did this and I’m not disappointed in the experiment only lasting three days. When it gets warmer, I will definitely attempt a full 7 day experiment. I will definitely have some different strategies on how to help cope more comfortably too!

Do you have any questions for me that I might have missed in this post? What are some ways you cope with your pain after a shower?

Please leave a comment below!

by Erin Nowicki

Packing List- SPD Style

For someone diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, going on a trip away from the comforts of home can be stressful. Now, I love to travel and I find it exhilarating, but that’s because I make sure to be prepared.

This list I’ve compiled is specific to my needs, but I bet some of them will be helpful for you:

1. Compression Socks

I would say this is the most important thing to bring. My feet are the most sensitive part on my body, so making sure I have a good pair of socks is clutch. When traveling, I never know what kind of sheets I will be sleeping on; having socks makes sure to protect my feet from any uncomfortable textures as well as giving me deep pressure. Compression socks are the best choice not only for sleeping, but they also help if I get overloaded with my sensory.

2. Superman Blanket

I get cold easily which in turn spikes my SPD so I always make sure to bring my superman blanket. I’ve had it since I was in high school (I think) and it’s gone with me all over the world. It’s a kid size blanket and the texture isn’t too bad, so it’s perfect for travel.

3. Hoodie

You never know if it’s going to rain (because rain=needles for me) or be chilly so I make sure to always bring a hoodie. Of course I bring a cute one but it also needs to be comfy. 😉

4. PJ Pants

Like I mentioned with the socks earlier, I don’t ever know ahead of time whether or not I’m going to be comfortable where I sleep. Making sure I have comfortable PJ’s at least protects my skin for the most part from uncomfortable fabrics.

5. Fingernail Clippers

If I let my fingernails grow out too long, it really triggers my sensory in my hands. I can’t stand the feeling after I take a shower and I have long fingernails. I get the chills just thinking about it now. So, before a trip, I always cut my fingernails. I still bring the clippers just in case for some reason I didn’t cut my nails well enough or if I accidentally break one. A broken fingernail is a no-no for this sensory princess.

6. Baby Wipes/Dry Shampoo

I never know what the water will feel like in the different places I travel to. If it’s too soft, I will most likely not take a shower more than once when I’m at that location. So, that’s where the baby wipes and dry shampoo come in. The wipes help keep me somewhat fresh and the dry shampoo tames the hair.

7. Shaving Cream

Shaving cream comes in really handy if I really have to take a shower and the water texture brings me a lot of pain. When I’m ready to get out of the shower, I wash my hands with the shaving cream. It helps take away the soft feeling of water or shampoo/conditioner from my hands. It’s been a lifesaver!

8. Lavender Oil

Sensory overload happens and can feel like you can’t get away from the pain. Something that I’ve adapted into my packing list the past couple years is Lavender Essential Oil by DoTerra. Lavender is a natural calming agent, so I’ll put a little on my neck and it helps remind me to take deep breaths and calm down. I won’t put it on with just my fingers because the texture of oil actually hurts my skin too, so I use a cotton swab or tissue.

Another thing this oil helps with is mosquito bites. You never know if you are going to get bit on vacay! No one likes a mosquito bite, but add a sensory disorder on top of it which makes the pain even worse. Thankfully, lavender takes away the itching which in turn takes the extra pain away too.

9. Chapstick

Traveling via car or plane, it’s inevitable that my lips will get extremely dry and chapped. If I get stressed out, I tend to pick at my lips, so chapstick is a must bring.

10. Converse

My favorite pair of shoes are my raspberry pink colored, low top Converse. When I was in high school, my mom bought me my first pair. When those died, she got me another pair. 😀 Thanks Mom!

I bring these specific shoes because they are comfortable, provide my feet with deep pressure and are reliable. If it rains, these shoes hold up very decently, which is helpful for me because I don’t particularly like my feet getting wet if I don’t have to.

Alrighty, that’s my list! I hope you enjoyed it! If you have any packing musts, please share them in a comment below! I’d love to see if any of your things would be helpful for me too! 😀

by Erin Nowicki

Pinocchio

I promise I won’t label every blog after a fairytale…sometimes I just can’t help that I relate so much to fairytales. I guess it’s because I’m a REAL princess. 😉

“Can you please rate your pain level for me: 10 being the worst and 1 being the best?”

For someone with Sensory Processing Disorder, this can be a difficult question to answer. The thing is, for me, something as simple as running into a doorframe makes my arm feel like it’s immediately bruised or even cut open; to the point where I sometimes get shocked that I’m not bleeding like crazy because it hurts so bad. So, when someone asks me how bad it hurts or to compare the pain to something, my gauge is most likely wrong in a sense. I wasn’t planning on sharing this story (because it’s kind of embarrassing hehe), but it popped in my head while writing this and thought you might like it.

When I was 13 or 14 years old, my family moved off of the Army base and into our first owned house. On moving day, we had been offloading the truck with all of our furniture. It took us the entire day and even when the sun went down, we were still moving stuff. I decided to take a break and go explore my new backyard. The yard was dimly lit, but I saw this beat up dodgeball laying on the ground. And as any kid does when they see a ball and a big backyard before them, they run up and kick it as hard as they can.

It. Wasn’t. A. Ball.

This story is so funny to me now because I legitimately thought that silly rock was a dodgeball and after looking at it the next day, it clearly looked nothing like a ball. Although, in that moment it was embarrassing because honestly, I felt so stupid. My purpose wasn’t only to make you smile with my clumsiness, but to give you an example of how difficult it is to answer the “rate your pain” question.

I have never broken a bone in my life, but in that moment I sure thought I had broken my foot on that massive rock. As soon as I gained my composure, I ran inside the house and called my parents, while sobbing and freaking out because my foot had to be broken. As my parents hurried to take off my shoe and check it out, you guessed it, nothing was wrong with it at all. Are you serious?! What about my toe? It has to be broken! What, it’s not?! But it hurts so incredibly bad, how could nothing be broken?

I hadn’t been diagnosed with SPD yet, so we didn’t realize that I was truly feeling excruciating pain…even though it obviously was not even close to being broken. They asked me to rate my pain and of course I rated it a high 10, but because the physical sight didn’t prove this rating to be accurate, they gave me some ice and I was walking around 10 minutes later with a perfectly fine foot.

This is the part where Pinocchio comes in. 😀

Over the years I’ve had to make decisions when it comes to rating my pain for doctors or even people when they are curious about how different things make me feel. I am thankful I’m not Pinocchio because sometimes I’ve chosen to lie when people ask me if it hurt. I would have a long nose with a cute, little birds nest on the end. 😀

Now I don’t usually condone lying, but when someone asks me if something hurts, and I can logically see that it probably shouldn’t be hurting, I will sometimes choose to lie and say that it doesn’t hurt. I guess my thought is that I don’t want to have to explain my entire disorder, then proceed to explain that it does hurt even though what they are probably doing doesn’t bring pain for a “normal” person, or admit to them that something silly hurts me….wow that was a mouthful.

Maybe this is justifying my lying or maybe not, but a question I ask myself: is it really lying or is it me fighting my disorder in order to strive for “normality”? I like to think of it that way, because it helps me to keep going and fighting this frustrating and maddening disorder. So, if being Pinocchio is my fate, I accept it for now. 😀

Do you have a hard time rating your pain? Do you pull the Pinocchio card to get out of having to explain SPD? I would love to hear from you about how you make those ratings- drop a comment below or feel free to email me!

by Erin Nowicki

The Pea

 “In the morning she was asked how she had slept. “Oh, very badly!” said she. “I have scarcely closed my eyes all night. Heaven only knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something hard, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It’s horrible!” Now they knew that she was a real princess because she had felt the pea right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty eider-down beds. Nobody but a real princess could be as sensitive as that.“

Excerpt from The Princess and The Pea written by Hans Christian Anderson

In my first blog post, I talked a little bit about what Sensory Processing Disorder is and that I have been diagnosed with it. For this post, I wanted to answer a few questions that I get asked the most when people find out that I have SPD. Now, I’m not doing this to make you feel sorry for me or make you feel guilty. I honestly want this to be a place for people to be able to relate to, not feel alone, be educated, and to find more understanding. Make sense?

Question 1: Does this hurt? Does that hurt?

It hurts to be touched…by my clothes, the wind, rain, sweat, the list goes ON and ON. Once I tell someone about SPD, I usually get poked and then they ask if it hurts. After I say that it hurt, they respond with shock, “how can that hurt?” They then proceed to gently brush their finger on my arm and they ask if that hurts; and we go on and on until they’ve put me (without thinking) through excruciating pain and are still baffled at the end of their “experiment.”

I don’t always get frustrated when people do that, because I do know that it’s not something you see every day. I would rather people be aware and feel sad that I have pain instead of being in wonder of it and wanting to see the different things that bring me pain.

Question 2: Can I hug you?

This is the question I get the most. It usually comes with a very quick apology once I tell someone I have SPD, because they realize that their act of love was actually hurting me. I know their hug wasn’t meant to bring pain or to be mean..so I don’t really think much of it being a painful experience when I receive a hug. I am still human and desire to be hugged; I will never turn one down even if it is not as comfortable for me in the moment.

There are hugs that feel better to me: bear hugs are my friend. Bear hugs are also described as deep pressure hugs and that’s exactly what someone with SPD wants. If you give me a gentle hug and barely touch me, that actually brings me more pain; I don’t want to be treated like someone with a contagious disease. All that to say, YES you can hug me, just make it bear hug and we are good. 😀

Questions 3: How can you not like showers?!

Now, I get this question as soon as I say that showers are the worst. I HATE showers….I think hate doesn’t even cover my feelings for showers. I can actually go two weeks without one (thanks to dry shampoo, hats, and baby wipes). Don’t freak out on me…I don’t do that all the time, but if my SPD is bad, I will definitely skip a shower.

For the longest time, I was so ashamed of this because I would usually get made fun of, shamed for being a “disgusting” person, laughed at, & judged. People tend to think that if someone does something that’s against “social norms” that it’s ok to immediately judge them instead of asking the WHY question and putting forth effort to try to understand. Obviously, I’m not quite as ashamed of it as much anymore since I’m writing about this for the world to see, but it sure is taking a lot of courage. And even if this fact about me disgusts you, that is totally ok, BUT, hear me out so maybe you can at least understand where I’m coming from…

So, why do I hate showers so much and why do I hardly take them? I tend to ask this question back: Would you bathe yourself with thousands of needles every day just so you can be socially acceptable? I promise you that I’m not saying this with a sassafras attitude. I’m legitimately asking you this question, because that is my answer to why I hate showers and I dread them each time I have to take one. Showers hurt like fire and it takes all of my mental and physical strength to get in one.

Questions 4: “Why are you being so emotional?”

Physical feelings aren’t the only feelings that are affected by SPD. My emotional feelings are heightened as well. I get upset really easily when it comes to certain things-like commercials, movies with death, when I get angry, volume being too loud, etc… Now, over the years, I’ve been able to adjust my feelings a decent amount, but this still is a work in progress. I’m thankful for my anti-depressants as well, because they’ve helped balance and control my emotions a little better.

Since my brain is being told that something is worse than what is actually happening, I tend to get upset without being able to control it and sometimes not even realize why I’m even upset. Now over the years, I’ve become more aware of this and have actively tried to control these overwhelming feelings.

I have also been diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety and I will definitely talk about those at some point. I believe my SPD enhances both the depression and anxiety, which is why I can be even more sensitive about certain things.

Question 5: Does that mean sex hurts you?

For me, the hardest thing about this disorder is being married to someone who’s love language is physical touch and desires physical touch daily. Sometimes I find it funny that God brought me someone who has the complete opposite love language as me. What the heck, God! 😉

Like I said about the hugs, I am a human and desire to be hugged…so yes, sometimes I do desire to be intimate with my husband. The annoying part of the situation is that sex is absolutely painful in every way for me and it’s not something that I “crave.” I have to really be intentional about reminding myself that Jon needs physical touch and intimacy more than I do.

I don’t want to give SPD all the credit for the pain; there are other factors that have increased my pain level when it comes to sex. I have some posts coming up where I will talk more in detail about sex and traumas that I’ve experienced.

If you have any questions about me, SPD or any of the content I have posted, please leave a comment below, drop direct message on my Contact page, or shoot me an email. No question is bad or awkward, so please feel free to ask WHATEVER. I will either respond directly or I will write a post that corresponds with your question.