Category / occupational therapy

by Erin Nowicki

Ouch! It’s Been A Long Time…

Can you believe I haven’t posted on here since 2020…I literally think about this blog every week so I didn’t realized that it had been quite that long. 🤭 My life has changed a lot since 2020, except for the fact that I still live with SPD, so I thought I would update you a bit and share some thoughts I have on the future of this blog.

Farewell Chi-Town!

After 7 years of living up north in Chicago, Illinois, Jon, Macaroni and I decided to move to Florida, to start a new adventure. We really enjoyed living in Chicago, made life-changing relationships, and made amazing memories that will always live in our hearts. There were many factors in our decision to move, but the main reason was because of our mental health. The winters in Chi-town can be grueling and each year we could see that our mental health was getting worse and worse during those dark, cold months. With the pandemic and other major life changes on top of those long winters, it was only right for us to go somewhere new and sunny to continue our journey in this life.

Why Florida?

Jon grew up in Florida, so we initially thought we’d land in Orlando, especially since his parents and a lot of friends are there. A month and a half after living with his folks and both of us not finding jobs we wanted, Jon got a job offer as a golf instructor for a company called GOLFTEC down in St. Petersburg, Florida. The day before Thanksgiving, with the help of Jon’s parents, we loaded up a U-Haul and drove to our new apartment. That same day, I had an interview with an amazing family for a nanny position, which I accepted and have been with ever since.

The west coast has always called our names and we really wanted to try and move out that way, but the timing wasn’t right. St. Pete, also known as “Sunshine City,” has really captured both of our hearts. We live 10-15 minutes from the most beautiful beaches and 10 minutes from a really fun downtown. There are tons of outdoorsy things for us to do and it’s been a great city to live in. It has a California vibe but on a smaller level, which for right now is totally great for us.

The Blog

In the past, when I was trying to collect info and write blog posts, I kept noticing that my sensory would always be heightened..so… I just stopped writing all together. Honestly, I put so much pressure on myself to get posts out that my body would shut down. Then I’d put so much guilt on my shoulders because I was “failing” at this blog or letting the world down.

The whole purpose of this blog was to share a glimpse into my life as a person living with Sensory Processing Disorder, possibly to help others with their own SPD journey, and to help bring an awareness to people who aren’t familiar with this disorder. If that was the goal, which it 100% still is, then there doesn’t need to be any room in my brain for guilt or fear. So, as of April 23, 2023, I give myself permission to write when I want, to be guilt free, and to let the pressure dissipate. Done and done.

All of that to say: I will still be writing blog posts, but I’m not going to put any pressure on myself or body to do it with a deadline. I’m going to be “free-blogging” a.k.a. writing when I feel inspired to. When I’ve done something like this with other things in my life, I have felt more fulfilled, so it’s only natural for that to be the case this time around. As a reader, I know that you want someone who’s writing with passion, a purpose and true authenticity, not someone who’s writing to just write. So, that’s what you’re gonna get!

Your Turn

I don’t want this blog to be all about me. There is a world out there filled with others just like me…I want to hear from you! Family’s or friend’s of people with SPD, I want to hear from you! If you have any questions or are interested in wanting to know something specific, I want to hear from you!

What do you want me to write about? As a reader, what are you wanting to read? Drop a comment on this post or if you want to keep your thoughts/questions anonymous, fill out the form on my contact page.

Over and Out

Thank you for choosing to use your time to catch up with me. I hope this post finds you pursuing a healthy, whole life, because you deserve that and SO much more. Stay magical. 🦄

by Erin Nowicki

The Princess Chronicle vol. 7

Sensory discrimination is really how we define how we actually label the physical experiences we are having with our external world as well as even our internal.

Mim Ochsenbein, MSW, OTR/L 

This quote is from an amazing video I watched that further explains a little more what SPD is about. It’s only 10 minutes and I highly recommend you check it out!

SPD Covid Hacks 😉

**Here are my top four “hacks” that I wanted to share on how I’m helping myself to cope better during this pandemic. Some things might work better for you and some might not…if you have some of your own, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share them in the comments below!**

  • Bandana or Wide Headband
    • Do face masks bother you? I know I can’t stand the feeling of them brushing against my face or how they pull on my ears. Obviously I still wear them but I have found that bandanas or wide headbands help me feel a little more comfortable. The deep pressure it provides as opposed to just sitting on my face definitely makes a difference.
  • Grocery List
    • You might already be an avid grocery list person…before Covid-19, I would rarely make one. Now, I really make it a point to have one, because I like to get in and out of that store as fast as I can. It also helps to have it organized by section, that way you can strategically make yourself through the store. I haven’t personally done this, but I know some grocery stores do a curbside pick up; so, that’s something you might want to try as well.
  • Foam Soap
    • Having to wash my hands more (see previous post), I’ve noticed that my least favorite part is the soap. I realized that I don’t dread it as much when I know there’s a foam soap as opposed to the slimy regular soap. 😉 Foam soap is a little more airy and not very textured which makes it less painful.
  • Hydration
    • This hack isn’t really a hack…it should be something we all are doing anyways, BUT, if you’re like me at all and HATE water, then this hack is for you. 😉 If I don’t hydrate, I notice that my face sweats more when I’m wearing a mask and that is a HUGE pain for me.
    • I have found that I like ice cold water better than room temperature. I will sometimes add frozen or fresh fruit (such as berries, lemons, strawberries) to my water to help cover the taste of the water. I also found that I drink more if I have my water bottle with me at all times and if I have a straw (I use a silicone or metal straw).

What You Missed Last Time

If you missed out on my last post, click the link ^^^^^ and check it out. I wrote about what it’s like to be living in this pandemic world as someone with SPD.

Guess What!?

I have some exciting news that I wanted to share with you!

You know how I really wanted to review products for you so you don’t have to? Well…. I have officially become an Affiliate for a company called Huggaroo. Huggaroo is this amazing company that sells weighted blankets and other wonderful products that can help people with SPD; and honestly, I think any person can benefit from their products- I know I sure have personally.

Being a part of their Affiliate program means that any product YOU purchase using my referral link, helps provide me with a 10% commission! Isn’t that killer?!

I do need to establish something with you- I vow to never ever ever become an Affiliate or sponsor for a company unless I 100% love the product and believe in it. Yes, getting a little extra cash so I can start buying more items to review for you would be so nice, but it’s not worth it to me if I’m not being honest with you or myself. Make sense? I also wanted to tell you that any money I make from being a part of the Affiliate program, I’m going to use so I can purchase other products to review for you, my readers!

My link will be on my Contact page.

by Erin Nowicki

The Princess Chronicle vol. 6

Today’s chronicle is filled with some coolio stuff! I hope everyone is staying healthy and safe while the Covid-19 Pandemic is happening!

Make sure to check out my next post where I will talk about how this pandemic affects someone living with SPD.

Peanut Butter Podcast

What an adorable name for a podcast, eh?! My friend Stasia invited me to be a guest on her show! The best part is that it was specifically for me talk about SPD!

When I asked her how I should describe her podcast for my bloggers- this is what she said,

Stasia interviews neat people about neat things for the benefit of all mankind.

How magical is that?!

I’d love for you to not only check out the episode that I’m on, but also make sure to listen to the other episodes she’s done-it’ll be a blast!

OH! I almost forgot to mention that Stasia is actually the artist who designed two blog logos! She’s just a magical, creative bean isn’t she?

Thank you SO much Stasia for interviewing and letting me spread the awareness about SPD and thanks for always making me laugh. ❤

What You Missed Last Time

I found this fun, little test to see if I have SPD. 😀 I recorded my answers and included a link for YOU to go do it. Even if you don’t have SPD, you should still go and see if you learn something new about yourself. If you do take the test, I would love for you to share what you got by leaving a comment!

Journal Entry

Within the past year, it came to my attention that my sensory processing disorder DOES affect my mouth. Now I’m not a picky eater and textures don’t bother me when it comes to food, so I always wrote off my mouth for not being affected by SPD.

One day I was reading through this SPD Facebook group that I follow. A post caught my attention when someone mentioned that their was kid having a really difficult time with brushing their teeth. I felt like a light switch in my brain turned on immediately.

So here’s the thing…I HATE brushing my teeth. It’s not that it hurts necessarily, but I always gag and even sometimes puke (TMI? haha…sorry). I never knew why and have tried all sorts of different toothpastes, which never helped.

Seeing this post helped me realize that the issue with brushing my teeth is most likely a symptom of my SPD. Unfortunately, the knowledge doesn’t really take away my problem, but it has allowed me to have grace towards myself through the frustration. Sometimes knowledge can make a difference when you have a struggle.

I’m A List Person

If you’re new to the The REAL Princess & The Pea story, welcome! I hope you were able to learn something new, felt understood and I also hope you know that you aren’t alone.

I enjoy writing lists, so I thought for our newcomers, I’d write one to explain some of the reasons why I write this blog!

  • First and foremost, I don’t want ANYONE to ever feel like they are alone in this struggle of living with SPD. SPD is still not super well known to most people, so it can feel isolating. I want this blog to be a place where you can come and get advice, perspective and comfort.
  • To bring awareness to others about SPD.
  • I love to write and when I find time, I really enjoy telling my story with SPD. (It also helps to clear space in my brain for other things in my life like writing music!) 😀
  • To help educate others about SPD…and honestly I’m learning too!
by Erin Nowicki

The Princess Chronicle vol. 5

Happy New Year (22 days late)! I hope all of my Unicorns had a magical holiday season and I hope you are ready for a great new year we have ahead of us.

I know I haven’t been on here in AGES, so I wanted to share with you why!

Sometimes the “Pea” wins…

Ever since I started this blog, I felt like I had the momentum, brainpower and excitement to write and share a glimpse into my SPD life. In November, after my last post, I ended up just dropping off the blogging map…but why?!

At first, I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t want to write about my SPD and why I was dreading to even think about my blog. After talking to one of my blog subscribers, I realized what the issue was.

Every week I was writing a new blog post, which meant throughout each week I was thinking of what I wanted to write about.

This in turn was causing my Sensory to actually flare up ALL THE TIME. Once I figured out that this blog was the “Pea” that was causing me to be in pain (remember, SPD revolves around the brain and the disconnect with the nervous system), I decided to take a break for a little. So, yes, I let the “Pea” win but I’m ok with it..because I’m baaaaaaack. 😀

–Game Plan–

Instead of focusing on writing one blog a week, I’m going to write multiple blogs at one time so then I can post them once a week. Less thinking time overall…so let’s see if that will help this Sensory Princess. Wish me luck! ☘

What You Missed Last Time

Do you want to know what it feels like for a person with Sensory Processing Disorder to take a shower three days in a row?

On my last blog post, I did an experiment for yall and I hope it gives some insight. Go check it out!

Imagine a sound technician working a soundboard like the one above, but he clearly has zero training.

Excerpt from The Body Is Not An Apology

If you have time, click on the link to go check out the full article where I got that excerpt. I had never heard that analogy about SPD before and it totally resounded with me because I am a musician. Let me know in the comments below what things stood out to you in the article!

Next Week’s Blog

I found a “Sensory Processing Disorder Symptoms Test for Adults” and I wanted to share my answers with you. Do you think it will tell me I have Sensory Processing Disorder? HA!

by Erin Nowicki

The Shower Experiment

For this next post, I wanted to do an experiment. If you didn’t know this yet: I can’t stand showers! So, this should be an interesting experience! At first I decided to take a shower every night from Sunday to Sunday while taking notes on how my body felt afterwards, but after three days I ended up having to stop because honestly, it was outrageously painful.

For the record, I’m not calling this a “failed experiment” because I don’t think that I failed at all. In my opinion, the experiment shifted a little bit and I can still share my experience with you- which was mainly that I can’t handle more than three days of showers in a row. :p

● Here are the notes I took after each shower from the 3 days ●

Shower 1

So far I’m feeling like I usually do, but I guess you don’t know what that means haha. Basically, my entire body experiences pain during and after the shower. When I’m done, it usually takes a while for my skin to calm back down. Currently, I am having to rub the pain away on my back, arms and legs. My feet aren’t bothering me today, which is nice. My hands aren’t feeling too soft either, which also makes me happy. In my book, soft is bad.

Shower 2

Ok, right off the bat, my hands are KILLING me. They feel super soft which is my worst nightmare. I did notice that in the shower, I felt like I couldn’t get the soapy feeling off which was annoying. My legs are also feeling uncomfortable. A positive observation is that my feet aren’t hurting as bad as my hands or legs.

Shower 3

My legs are in a lot of pain today. The softness of them hurts extremely bad, so I’m under a blanket with them individually wrapped in cozy blankets. Wrapping them tightly helps to instill that deep pressure which brings some relief. My hands are also pretty bad as well today. I need to get some gloves that have individual spaces for my fingers (currently I only own mittens at this juncture which won’t help the situation). My feet aren’t too bad, but I went ahead put socks on them as soon as I was out of the shower, because I didn’t want to wait and find out how bad they were going to hurt.

Some observations:

  • My back and stomach don’t seem to be a highlight of pain after that first day.
  • Deep pressure is a must.
  • Maybe I should wait until warmer months to try this experiment because the cold weather could’ve been a factor.

I’m so glad I did this and I’m not disappointed in the experiment only lasting three days. When it gets warmer, I will definitely attempt a full 7 day experiment. I will definitely have some different strategies on how to help cope more comfortably too!

Do you have any questions for me that I might have missed in this post? What are some ways you cope with your pain after a shower?

Please leave a comment below!

by Erin Nowicki

The Princess Chronicle vol. 4

I’m back from California! Wow, what a trip that was!! I had such a blast tagging along with Jon and his band, as well as hanging out with my in-laws.

After the tour, Jon and I were able to spend two days in Venice Beach just exploring, eating delicious food, relaxing and crossing things off our bucket lists. It was dreamy and pure magic.

Journal Entry

This last Sunday, as Jon and I were driving to church, there was a car behind playing music EXTREMELY LOUD. He had the bass cranked and oh my goodness, because of my SPD, it was hurting my ears so much.

We had to sit through two lights with this car behind is. I was starting to panic because it was hurting so badly. When I was about to break down, he actually pulled up next to us and I decided to do something about the situation.

**Now, let me set this straight- never in a million years would I have done what I did next… I honestly think because of me starting this blog and no longer being ashamed of my disorder is why I did this.**

I rolled down the window and waved him down, with a smile of course. With hand signals, I motioned for him turn down the music. —->

He turned his music down and asked what was up. So I kindly asked him if he could turn it down just a little bit because it was physically hurting me.

Honestly, I thought he wouldn’t care because it seemed like he wasn’t caring about anyone when he had his music so loud that it was affecting everyone…but he COMPLETELY surprised me!

He then responded with a sincere apology and said that he didn’t realize that it was painful. SAY WHAT!?

Sometimes people just aren’t aware of how things affect you and honestly, they might not ever be aware unless you advocate for yourself with kindness & confidence.

What You Missed Last Time

I had so much fun writing my last blog post, but if you missed it, click the link above to go check it out. I wanted to share my go-to’s when packing for an out of town trip as someone with SPD. If you have SPD, you probably have some go-to things that you bring to help ease your sensory while you are away from home. I’d love to hear from you in the comment section below!

In my packing list, you might’ve noticed that I mentioned something called “deep pressure.” The product they’ve created is pretty neat too…maybe I’ll try it someday. 😉 I wanted to send you over to an article that explains it in a good way. ⬇

Deep touch pressure refers to a form of tactile sensory input which is often provided by firm holding, firm stroking, cuddling, hugging, and squeezing.

Excerpt from Tjacket

Come back next week to read about how I attempted an experiment for my sensory and how I failed. 😀

by Erin Nowicki

The Princess Chronicle vol. 3

California here I come!!

On Thursday, I will be flying out to Cali with my hunky and his band, Flatfoot 56, for a week filled with music, adventure and of course other dreamy things.

This trip is super important to me because I have been dreaming of going to California ever since I was a kid. I’m so excited to check this off my Dream List!!!

All that to say, in honor of my trip, my next post will be a fun one for yall; I’m going to do a Sensory Processing Disorder Travel Packing List. Check back next week!

Bi-Weekly Journal Entry

I went rollerskating this weekend and had a bad fall. Luckily I had my helmet on, because it would’ve been brutal. My head has been killing me and my lower back is extremely sore.

Last night, Jon put some ICY HOT on my back and let me tell you…it was SOOOOOOO painful! Not only applying it hurt, but the entire hour after putting it on hurt, because I could feel the cream on every inch of my skin. It felt like little pinches and burns all over my back. Geesh.

For the record- I love rollerskating and definitely had a blast before I fell! SPD isn’t gonna stop me from going out again this week! 😉

“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.”

-Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

I’m currently reading Little Women and I thought this quote would be perfect for today. Sometimes, I think SPD feels like a storm… and unending one at that, but I think there are ways to help manage the storm. I want this blog to be a place for you to come when you are ready to learn how to sail your ship.

One of my dreams is to start a review section, where I review different products, coping mechanisms, and really anything that might help you (and me) to learn how to sail our ship better. The goal for this is so that YOU don’t have to endure the pain of trying something blindly. I’m willing to do this and I want to do this. I want to see the world of SPD changed for the better. If you know any entrepreneurs or companies that would want to partner with me, please send them my way!

What You Missed Last Week

With SPD, rating pain accurately can be quite difficult. Last week, I talked a little bit about how I’ve managed to go about that. I even shared my most embarrassing story, so you want to make sure to check it out! 😀

I know that blogs can be daunting for some people, but that’s why I have a Twitter account! I want everyone to be able to have access to this blog. ❤

by Erin Nowicki

Pinocchio

I promise I won’t label every blog after a fairytale…sometimes I just can’t help that I relate so much to fairytales. I guess it’s because I’m a REAL princess. 😉

“Can you please rate your pain level for me: 10 being the worst and 1 being the best?”

For someone with Sensory Processing Disorder, this can be a difficult question to answer. The thing is, for me, something as simple as running into a doorframe makes my arm feel like it’s immediately bruised or even cut open; to the point where I sometimes get shocked that I’m not bleeding like crazy because it hurts so bad. So, when someone asks me how bad it hurts or to compare the pain to something, my gauge is most likely wrong in a sense. I wasn’t planning on sharing this story (because it’s kind of embarrassing hehe), but it popped in my head while writing this and thought you might like it.

When I was 13 or 14 years old, my family moved off of the Army base and into our first owned house. On moving day, we had been offloading the truck with all of our furniture. It took us the entire day and even when the sun went down, we were still moving stuff. I decided to take a break and go explore my new backyard. The yard was dimly lit, but I saw this beat up dodgeball laying on the ground. And as any kid does when they see a ball and a big backyard before them, they run up and kick it as hard as they can.

It. Wasn’t. A. Ball.

This story is so funny to me now because I legitimately thought that silly rock was a dodgeball and after looking at it the next day, it clearly looked nothing like a ball. Although, in that moment it was embarrassing because honestly, I felt so stupid. My purpose wasn’t only to make you smile with my clumsiness, but to give you an example of how difficult it is to answer the “rate your pain” question.

I have never broken a bone in my life, but in that moment I sure thought I had broken my foot on that massive rock. As soon as I gained my composure, I ran inside the house and called my parents, while sobbing and freaking out because my foot had to be broken. As my parents hurried to take off my shoe and check it out, you guessed it, nothing was wrong with it at all. Are you serious?! What about my toe? It has to be broken! What, it’s not?! But it hurts so incredibly bad, how could nothing be broken?

I hadn’t been diagnosed with SPD yet, so we didn’t realize that I was truly feeling excruciating pain…even though it obviously was not even close to being broken. They asked me to rate my pain and of course I rated it a high 10, but because the physical sight didn’t prove this rating to be accurate, they gave me some ice and I was walking around 10 minutes later with a perfectly fine foot.

This is the part where Pinocchio comes in. 😀

Over the years I’ve had to make decisions when it comes to rating my pain for doctors or even people when they are curious about how different things make me feel. I am thankful I’m not Pinocchio because sometimes I’ve chosen to lie when people ask me if it hurt. I would have a long nose with a cute, little birds nest on the end. 😀

Now I don’t usually condone lying, but when someone asks me if something hurts, and I can logically see that it probably shouldn’t be hurting, I will sometimes choose to lie and say that it doesn’t hurt. I guess my thought is that I don’t want to have to explain my entire disorder, then proceed to explain that it does hurt even though what they are probably doing doesn’t bring pain for a “normal” person, or admit to them that something silly hurts me….wow that was a mouthful.

Maybe this is justifying my lying or maybe not, but a question I ask myself: is it really lying or is it me fighting my disorder in order to strive for “normality”? I like to think of it that way, because it helps me to keep going and fighting this frustrating and maddening disorder. So, if being Pinocchio is my fate, I accept it for now. 😀

Do you have a hard time rating your pain? Do you pull the Pinocchio card to get out of having to explain SPD? I would love to hear from you about how you make those ratings- drop a comment below or feel free to email me!

by Erin Nowicki

The Prince

I don’t think Charles Perrault, the Brother’s Grimm, Hans Christian Anderson, or even J.K. Rowling could’ve created a better prince than the prince who was put into my story. Jon Nowicki is his name and Prince Charming has nothing on him…sorry Char. :p

Here’s a little background on hunky and then I will ask him some questions for you to get a glimpse into what it’s like being married to someone with Sensory Processing Disorder.

Jon was born in Wisconsin and moved to Florida in 5th grade. He has a degree in Music Ministry with an emphasis in percussion and is an incredible drummer. Not only do I get to have him as my drummer for Hello Wonder, he also drums for another awesome band called Flatfoot 56. H enjoys golfing (any Chicago golfers looking for a golfing buddy??), traveling, camping, and cooking.

The thing I love most about him is how much he cares about me. He has never pressured me to do anything I didn’t want to do, he always makes sure I’m comfortable (or at least as comfy as I can be), makes me laugh, feeds my unicorn obsession and is the most selfless person I know. Living with someone who has SPD, can be extremely difficult and I appreciate him so much because he’s patient, always willing to learn, and loves me for me.

♕Interview with a REAL prince♕

Were you aware of Erin having SPD before you got married?

Prince:

I found out about her SPD while we were getting to know each other. I went along and asked and did all the things people do when they find out about it (sorry Erin :)). During the first few months, it was hard to disconnect my fear of “hurting” her or causing her pain.

In the end, it came down to the fact that sometimes the emotional pain of SPD can be harder than the physical pain. Treating her like a “sick” person or steering clear of any physical contact can be just as hard. It took a long time for me to fully process it, but I’ve come to a point where I can be aware of her SPD, but it doesn’t control how I treat her. 

How do you support Erin when she is in a flare up?

Prince:

The best thing I’ve found is to ask what she needs. Communication is a big aspect of steering through the waters of SPD. It’s something we continually try to improve. I can assume that I know what may help, and sometimes I’m lucky, but other times the things that sometimes help could actually make the scenario worse.  Always ask what you can do before you assume what’s best.  

What’s the hardest part of living with someone that has severe SPD?

Prince:

One of the hardest parts for me is not being able to fully relate to her when she is in pain.  Sometimes I feel completely useless when she is flaring up, because I literally can’t do anything to help. That feeling of not being able to do anything for her is always the hardest part. 

How do you cope with the lack of intimacy?

Prince:

There is no real easy answer for this.  It is difficult. As Erin previously said, physical touch is one of my main love languages. The first years of our marriage have been tough. Learning how to live together, become adults, and manage all of it with SPD as well as processing her trauma has been a challenge.

If you know me, I am a fairly easy going, laid back individual. This along with the blessing of patience has helped me a lot with the intimacy aspect of our marriage.  Through the years I’ve also had great friends/mentors alongside of me who have been there for me.  It never hurts to have someone to be able to talk to, even if they don’t fully understand the scope of SPD. Personal honesty and open communication will give you the best chance for success. 

Erin is great about pushing through the pain to meet my needs. An extra hug/kiss/holding hands moment means so much to me. 

Do you have another question for Jon that you’d like answered? Please feel free to leave a comment below or direct message me on the Contacts page. No question is too awkward or uncomfortable, so be free. If I get enough questions, I will drop another blog post with his answers for you all to have.

by Erin Nowicki

The Pea

 “In the morning she was asked how she had slept. “Oh, very badly!” said she. “I have scarcely closed my eyes all night. Heaven only knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something hard, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It’s horrible!” Now they knew that she was a real princess because she had felt the pea right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty eider-down beds. Nobody but a real princess could be as sensitive as that.“

Excerpt from The Princess and The Pea written by Hans Christian Anderson

In my first blog post, I talked a little bit about what Sensory Processing Disorder is and that I have been diagnosed with it. For this post, I wanted to answer a few questions that I get asked the most when people find out that I have SPD. Now, I’m not doing this to make you feel sorry for me or make you feel guilty. I honestly want this to be a place for people to be able to relate to, not feel alone, be educated, and to find more understanding. Make sense?

Question 1: Does this hurt? Does that hurt?

It hurts to be touched…by my clothes, the wind, rain, sweat, the list goes ON and ON. Once I tell someone about SPD, I usually get poked and then they ask if it hurts. After I say that it hurt, they respond with shock, “how can that hurt?” They then proceed to gently brush their finger on my arm and they ask if that hurts; and we go on and on until they’ve put me (without thinking) through excruciating pain and are still baffled at the end of their “experiment.”

I don’t always get frustrated when people do that, because I do know that it’s not something you see every day. I would rather people be aware and feel sad that I have pain instead of being in wonder of it and wanting to see the different things that bring me pain.

Question 2: Can I hug you?

This is the question I get the most. It usually comes with a very quick apology once I tell someone I have SPD, because they realize that their act of love was actually hurting me. I know their hug wasn’t meant to bring pain or to be mean..so I don’t really think much of it being a painful experience when I receive a hug. I am still human and desire to be hugged; I will never turn one down even if it is not as comfortable for me in the moment.

There are hugs that feel better to me: bear hugs are my friend. Bear hugs are also described as deep pressure hugs and that’s exactly what someone with SPD wants. If you give me a gentle hug and barely touch me, that actually brings me more pain; I don’t want to be treated like someone with a contagious disease. All that to say, YES you can hug me, just make it bear hug and we are good. 😀

Questions 3: How can you not like showers?!

Now, I get this question as soon as I say that showers are the worst. I HATE showers….I think hate doesn’t even cover my feelings for showers. I can actually go two weeks without one (thanks to dry shampoo, hats, and baby wipes). Don’t freak out on me…I don’t do that all the time, but if my SPD is bad, I will definitely skip a shower.

For the longest time, I was so ashamed of this because I would usually get made fun of, shamed for being a “disgusting” person, laughed at, & judged. People tend to think that if someone does something that’s against “social norms” that it’s ok to immediately judge them instead of asking the WHY question and putting forth effort to try to understand. Obviously, I’m not quite as ashamed of it as much anymore since I’m writing about this for the world to see, but it sure is taking a lot of courage. And even if this fact about me disgusts you, that is totally ok, BUT, hear me out so maybe you can at least understand where I’m coming from…

So, why do I hate showers so much and why do I hardly take them? I tend to ask this question back: Would you bathe yourself with thousands of needles every day just so you can be socially acceptable? I promise you that I’m not saying this with a sassafras attitude. I’m legitimately asking you this question, because that is my answer to why I hate showers and I dread them each time I have to take one. Showers hurt like fire and it takes all of my mental and physical strength to get in one.

Questions 4: “Why are you being so emotional?”

Physical feelings aren’t the only feelings that are affected by SPD. My emotional feelings are heightened as well. I get upset really easily when it comes to certain things-like commercials, movies with death, when I get angry, volume being too loud, etc… Now, over the years, I’ve been able to adjust my feelings a decent amount, but this still is a work in progress. I’m thankful for my anti-depressants as well, because they’ve helped balance and control my emotions a little better.

Since my brain is being told that something is worse than what is actually happening, I tend to get upset without being able to control it and sometimes not even realize why I’m even upset. Now over the years, I’ve become more aware of this and have actively tried to control these overwhelming feelings.

I have also been diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety and I will definitely talk about those at some point. I believe my SPD enhances both the depression and anxiety, which is why I can be even more sensitive about certain things.

Question 5: Does that mean sex hurts you?

For me, the hardest thing about this disorder is being married to someone who’s love language is physical touch and desires physical touch daily. Sometimes I find it funny that God brought me someone who has the complete opposite love language as me. What the heck, God! 😉

Like I said about the hugs, I am a human and desire to be hugged…so yes, sometimes I do desire to be intimate with my husband. The annoying part of the situation is that sex is absolutely painful in every way for me and it’s not something that I “crave.” I have to really be intentional about reminding myself that Jon needs physical touch and intimacy more than I do.

I don’t want to give SPD all the credit for the pain; there are other factors that have increased my pain level when it comes to sex. I have some posts coming up where I will talk more in detail about sex and traumas that I’ve experienced.

If you have any questions about me, SPD or any of the content I have posted, please leave a comment below, drop direct message on my Contact page, or shoot me an email. No question is bad or awkward, so please feel free to ask WHATEVER. I will either respond directly or I will write a post that corresponds with your question.